Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
