I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize