We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
