Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
