Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
