Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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