Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
