At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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