I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I deserve this hangover.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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