Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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