Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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