I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
