my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
