i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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