He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
