Whod you bang
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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