Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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