i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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