toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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