Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
