i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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