Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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