If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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