nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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