I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
