lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
