I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Operation Purity has been aborted
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
