im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I need a burrito and a hug.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
