he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
