Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
