What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize