It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
