hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
