remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
