Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
