My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My balls are so social today.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize