I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
