I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize