I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
