but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
