o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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