I think I am morally bankrupt
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
