so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
