So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
