I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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