Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
