Michael Bay diarrhea
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Text me some of your sweat
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