somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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