Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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