hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
