he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
