he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
