Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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