i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
