My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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