Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Two words: blizzard sex
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize