I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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