He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The chlamydia really affected his face.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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