At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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