i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
